Thursday, August 8, 2013

Ups and Downs

Our trip to my in-laws on Sunday went wonderfully. We all enjoyed it and I was truly in a good mood and had fun.  The spanking prior to going really put me in a good place emotionally.

But today, I was kind-of snotty on the way home from work today and I really disappointed my husband.  I think he is getting ready to punish me.  I was in a bad mood when I got in the car because I had a tough day, and I was short and sarcastic in our conversation.  I also was starving which always put me in a terrible mood.

He said, with a completely straight face and stern demeanor, "You know I am going to punish you for this behavior right?"  I kind of laughed, which is more of how our old dynamic was.  He didn't even crack a smile, which gave me butterflies.  In my head, I was wondering, is he really mad?  Is he really going to punish me? I also got a bit nervous, and could feel the adrenaline surge.  I apologized and then said, "So you aren't going to punish me right?" and he said (still straight faced), "No, I am."

This is a completely different dynamic.  I am excited that he is taking it seriously (clearly more seriously than I am because I sort-of scoffed about him actually really punishing me).  I am also a little scared.  And a little hesitant.

I trust him though.  I know he is reading and learning about this and I want to please him.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Over the river and through the woods.....

Last night, my mother in law called asking us to come over for lunch today.  My mother in law and her husband live about an hour away from us.  We do not see them often.  My family, on the other hand, is around constantly.  We see them pretty much every day.  So, in the interest of fairness, taking a ride over to the in laws is no big deal at all.

I, however, am not the fairest person in the world.  I love my in laws.  I just don't love spending my lazy Sunday driving over there.  I was looking forward to hanging out here, maybe swimming in the pool, and relaxing.  My husband came to me while on the phone with his mom as said, "We don't have anything going on tomorrow, right?"  I shook my head and he kind-of questioned with his eyes about whether I wanted to go.  I didn't, but I said yes.

This morning, I told him he should probably give me a spanking as a reminder to be nice and sweet and to have a nice day and not sulk.  I am embarrassed to say, I do sometimes act sulky when we are doing things that weren't my first choice. I may not be totally bitchy, but I wouldn't necessarily let go and have fun.  So, I told him I didn't want to be like that today and I wanted him to make sure that he kept me in line.

We had sex this morning when we woke up, but I was left wanting more.  So, we went to our room and cuddled up.  He started giving my some spanks and while he was doing it, told me I would be sweet and submissive at his mom's.  I would serve him and I would be nice and pleasant.  He spanked me harder and harder until I said I would.  It was hot. When he stopped and told me to cuddle with him, I saw he was very hard.  He was murmuring to me about what he wanted to do.  We have to stop at the store tonight to get some stuff, and he said we will also pick up some clothespins for my nipples.  I asked him if I could come, and he started playing with me.  He told me that I needed to come for him and I got so turned on with him telling me what to do that I exploded.

I felt so calm and content after.  I just wanted to be so close to him.  He promised that later we would play a little more so he could come.  I can't wait.

And, off we go to grandma's!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Our first steps in the journey

So far, we have done a lot of reading and talking.  We also have a long commute (usually together) so we have been searching out podcasts that we can listen to together on our way home.  It will be a nice way to get out of work mode and into home mode.

The first night I asked him to spank me and take control, he did, but maybe not as forcefully I was hoping.  He was definitely dipping his toe in the shallow end, while I am ready to dive in lock stock and barrel.  He did spank me though, and the next night he even used his belt on me, which completely made me wild.

Yesterday I came home from work and I was exhausted (he had woken me up that morning at 3 AM for sex because I told him he could take me whenever and wherever and I wouldn't refuse).  We ended up staying up talking and cuddling after, so I never really went back to sleep before work.  I need a lot of sleep or I get really cranky. So, anyway, I was really tired and one of the kids did something that made me really angry.  I tend to yell when I am mad, and get really bitchy.  My husband hates that.  He came upstairs and asked why I was yelling like that.  I stopped.  I felt completely embarrassed for behaving like that.  A little while later he smiled at me and I told him he could punish me for my behavior if he wanted.

The kids left with their grandfather to go get dinner, and he told me to go into our room and sit there for 5 minutes with nothing to entertain me and think about what I did.  I did it.  And, it sort of helped. I was calmer, more rational, and I felt like he took control of the situation.  I came out and told him he could also spank me if he wanted.....

He did.  With his belt.  It was so fucking hot.  He wouldn't stop until I told him he could keep going as long as he wanted.  When he did stop, he slid his finger in me and laughed at how wet I was.  He played rough with me and I had two incredibly hard orgasms - once while I was sucking his cock and he was fingering me and once after he came in me.  We have not had this much sex (every day for the last week) in years.

I have made it clear that I would wear sexy underwear whenever he told me to (I had sort-of fallen into that granny panty place after 16 years and two kids).  I just went out and bought a whole mess of sexy things, as well as some really pretty "normal" jammies.  I have also fallen into a rut of wearing shorts and ratty t-shirts to bed - instead I bought a whole bunch of more modest (but still pretty cute) outfits I wouldn't blush if the kids saw me in to wear at night and lounging time. I feel better and prettier when I do this, and he takes notice.  He also told me one night not to wear panties in bed, and that was a huge turn on as well.

We made a couple of sex toy purchases that should be here in a few days - one was a sportsheet set with a bunch of hooks and cuffs.  We also bought some nipple weights and a leather paddle.  He also requested one of those vibrators that you can put in your panties that has a remote control for when we are out. I can't wait for them to arrive!

Where did this come from?

To my husband, this all must have been a shock.  He has spanked me before, in jest, and it always did turn me on a little, but it was nothing special.  Awhile back, we were playing some erotic game and I was required to pull down my pants and panties, lay over his lap, and have him spank me.  He did it, and I was getting surprisingly turned on.  When I got up, he was rock hard.  That, of course, made me even more excited, and well, we had great sex.

That has been in the back of my mind now for awhile, and very recently I was bored and started googling spanking, BDSM, etc.  I found the Taken in Hand website, and became fascinated with what I was reading.  And, not fascinated in a, "Holy crap, look at what these crazy people are doing" way.  Fascinated in a "I'm getting wet thinking about this stuff....What the hell" way.

The more I read, the more turned on I got.  I started emailing my husband particularly good (informative) articles and telling him I may want to try this.  He wasn't sure if I wanted it to be just a sex thing, or an all the time thing.  I really am not sure.  I am intrigued by the idea of it being an all the time thing.  I mean, I feel like the stupid little fights we have could be nipped in the bud, and because it does turn me on, it would be a bonus that we could have hot sex.

I am a firm believer in the thought that everything doesn't have to work the same for everyone, and I am telling myself I don't have to get it "right" or "perfect."  If someone on the internet says DD or TIH should only be non sexual and I find it makes me incredibly horny - who the hell cares? It isn't their life, it's mine, and my husband and I are the ones who are living it. So, we have agreed to keep reading, learning, researching, and talking about it.  We will do what we like and leave the rest.

Deep I go

This blog is an attempt to understand, process, and record the changes my husband and I are going through as I head into my 4th decade of life.

I am a strong, controlling, fun woman who is married to a laid back, chill kind of guy.  We have been married for 16 years.  We have always had what I have considered a pretty strong marriage and commitment.  We never considered that love was going to allow us to live a life floating around on a cloud of happiness - we always understood that love and marriage is a choice, and that we would have to work together to keep our union strong.

And, I think we have done a pretty good job of that.  We have two incredible kids, a great house, two careers that we excel at, and a host of great friends.  We are lucky.  Our sex life has always been above average, if a little too infrequent for my husband at times. We have always experimented with porn, toys, fantasies, etc.  From conversations with our friends, it seems we are the kinky ones, even though I know we are far from that (at least so far).

So, why am I here?  We have recently begun to experiment a little more with spanking, D/s, and even  have discussed making our relationship more "Taken in Hand" like. Anyone who knows me would laugh their ass off at the thought of this, as I am seriously a strong, alpha female.  It is completely against everything I have ever believed, and the antithesis of what I learned growing up, at college, at work - everywhere.

I just can't deny that there is something completely sexy about being taken, about being controlled, and about being dominated.  Most of this boils down to sex I think, at least for us, and that seems to be the opposite of what I have read in Taken in Hand blogs (It seems that sex is a part of it, but the whole domestic discipline thing is supposed to be far from sexy - at least I think).

In any case, I wanted to start blogging about our experience and use this space as a place to process what is happening.  I look forward to sharing it with you!